User Profile

Grew up in Southern Calif. Worked renaissance faires (7 years), Navy as an AT2 (4 years), AlliedSignal as an electronics tech (7 years).

My parents were brought up in Southern California, and have travelled a little. I was born in Virginia when my dad was stationed with the USS Enterprise. He left the service and was deeply involved in aerospace until the the early 2000s.

I started life wild and innocent as we all do. Forging a passion for intelligence, I rode the back country roads of childhood into the dead end streets of my teen years.

I remember glimpses of a childhood. I was always climbing and running. I was more clueless than bad. Always headstrong and yet insecure, I see I was an odd mix. At the time I saw my self as unpopular. I felt I was an outside that no one understood. I remember other kids getting frustrated as my intelligence and snapping at me. I read a lot. The first book I remember reading for fun was Jonathan Livingston Seagull. But, I think every one in my age group read that. I read Robinson Crusoe a dozen times. The idea of surviving alone appealed to my sense of self at the time. I took up unexplained events and ghost stories in Jr. High. In high school, I remember reading every science fiction book in the Redondo Beach, Ca main library one year. I seemed to like books on transcendence. But, I did not like messianic books. I do like Lord of the Rings and Stranger in a Strange Land.

Aviation High school was not my shining moment. I was probably a C student with no ideas of what to do with myself. Then I was handed a newspaper cutout for when to show up for pre-faire classes. I remember the week I discovered Lord of the Rings. A football player has spit tomato juice all over me. I was panicking trying to get cleaned up. A friend Richard Paloutzian’s brother cheered me up and was talking about a book he had read. I later got a copy.

Everyone started playing D&D. Lance had a dungeon that was half Star Wars. Thought I was the ultimate dungeon master. But, looking back, I really did not have half the imagination I have now. My stories were paper thin and my monsters predictable at every step. I had one totally unbalanced character (Varuna?) that should have been tossed. Spent so much time on D&D. I think I was an ass about this fictional character. Creating a reality needs you to know more about at least one reality. I did not know enough about life at the time to simulate it in a game. President of the HS D&D group, and nothing means nothing.

Hit my first speed bump at Ren Faire in 1 zillion oaks Cal-if-orn-eye-yeah! The first year there I was a peasant until I was drawn into the Celts. I really think I was happiest as a peasant. Climbing the virtual social ladder is no different than the real one. Happiness is not greater with more cash or status. It has to do with social acceptance and self respect. I lost my virginity to a sultry temptress. Carrie was great to me. I was wild and free and the rest of my life was waiting to return to faire. Acting with peasants, Celts, and finally nobles I was at times one of each. Studied swordplay and was ok at it, though heavy handed and too slow to survive an actual fight. Picked up some seriously bad habits and met the long term love of my life. She was another queen’s guard’s girl. I was a thief and was ignoble. But her kisses drove me crazy. Soon it was she and I. We played all night in swirling lights of a midnight’s celebration. I should have bathed more.

Failed out of college and started a security gig. Though I had no where to go, life was good. My evenings were speeding down the highway to romance. My days were standing at a warehouse door dreaming of that night. The pay was bad, but still felt alive. The corner park across from her grandparents was a great place to meet.

Joined the Navy from a little parental pressure, and did a right crappy job my first couple years. Married happy, adventurous, bouncy Sandra, had a child. We were poorer than dirt roads. They say a child makes or breaks a relationship. This one broke us then. I still had a lot of insecurities. Yelling at a new mother got me away from my child and her beautiful mother. Our parting kiss was cold. The trailer pulled away packed with her belongings. Leaving me left me bitter and cold.

Left the Navy and like any self respecting cog in the wheels of America worked in aerospace as an electronic tech. I even tested parts that would go into cruise missiles. These babies can turn a city of 1 million mothers and dreaming children into dust.

I was driven now. Working as industrial cattle for 7 years makes you want to be one of the higher cogs. Went back to school. The ex was visiting again and I told her to go away. 1/2 a relationship would never have lasted. Though I still loved her, I did not love myself. Worst call I ever made.

Got better at school. Trusted the system still. Had a few great encouraging professors. Got an award for a program I wrote. I was living to study computers. Met Loretta in Calc II. We studied at her house and she started to fall for me. I was a lustful stud and things lead to me moving in. She had kids and issues, I had issues and child support. What the heck?

I took hard classes. Pushing myself hard, the challenges excited me. I was stressing in the best possible way. Took crazy classes as electives. Real Analysis was insane. It was my only C. Loved almost all my classes. Took each one seriously.

Graduating, Loretta insisted we marry. I am a coward. We did, and I did graduate. Cum Laude, was that me?!? Moved to Microsoft city (Redmond, Washington). Met speed bump #2. I am not the smartest of the smart. The great and hyper-intelligent me was given tasks that were really too hard for me. Turns out I am damned average in this crowd of mega genii.

Went to my 20th HS reunion. I was greeted as if I was a star. Surprised, I wondered why everyone was treating me as a friend. They called me the class intellectual and smiled at me warmly. I think I realized that I was liked and they had all missed me.

I bumbled and stumbled. Hated being home arguing with the family, the dirty destructive dog and the dark lighting. So I worked 50+ hours a week. The kid was driving me nuts, as was me dead end life. Between burnout and self loathing, things were not going well. Loretta and the kid yelling at me for being overly strict. But the house was a mess of messes and I could not stand being there.

The boss was a complete jerk. And I did not click that I needed to just handle things to keep the process around me moving. Dropped development like a hot rock. Just read this, can’t you sense the rising negativity? Had to change things. I could not keep that up for long.

Changed jobs to development support. I felt better about work and the step kid was calming down. Got ok at the job and a promotion. Wow, they like me Mikey!

Years pass, met Jeff and Barb. The step kid graduates HS, then moves to college. Actually getting proud of the little guy. I’m now a Tech Lead and almost respected. The cog is well make and has good bearings again.

Buy a big uber house, pay bigger payments. Mow that lawn suburban slave! Fit in with the neighbors! The marriage slows down more and more. I crave adventure, my wife wants to read. I want to do do do! She sits and says “It will all work out.” I was infuriated.

I become an escalation engineer. The problem solvers of problem solvers. Still not at all really happy. I end up cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, weeding, fixing fences, ... Not so much a domestic god as the simple janitor of the house. Handyman for the bankers.

Learned to turn the goddess wood. Took a class with Jack Wayne. He is local to the Seattle area and a world class turner. His work is stunning. He made the first bowl so easy. Wow, this is the sh-whoopsie of things! I think I'm actually good at something. The art is great, but at times it feels like an endless pool of money sucking expenses and costly pretty exotic woods. But, making things for people is great. They seems grateful just to get a gift.

Visiting the daughter (now a boy) in Portland when I set near mom again. By instinct, I want to cuddle her one time. Memories flood back like water through a opened dam. Damn. Mental walls spring up and I beat them down. Impossible thoughts of reunion and of breaking vows. But, this won’t happen. Another random wishful series of through, best to cold shower and relax.

Step son graduates and I start thinking about the ex in ways that would make my mom scream out loud.

One year ago, I called a lawyer. Had to fix 20 years of damage to my life.

June, 2006 I meet Angelia. She is fun, funny, and makes me happy.



Journal is about who I am and what I see.

Pete

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